New year

I feel like I finally have some new year resolutions that will be fulfilling and better me in the new year. They have to do with my family and better managing our time and resources and including our God in all we do. I am so thankful for my family and all we have been blessed with.

Worried to death

Waiting on a download....

There was a time when my view was fairly focused and simple.  Of course that has been many many years now.  Anxiety has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.  As a younger boy I remember one of the earliest on-set's of anxiety was when my dad had told me there was a comet which had passed very close to the earth.  I remember thinking about life ending and being quite afraid and anxious, needless to say my day was consumed with worry.  It always passes, more due to lack of interest than anything.

I have been anxious over school, girls, work, family, money, well you name it and I have had an issue with worry.  Now I know this isn't an uncommon problem, though I take it very personally of course.  Music has always given comfort and even answers in times that I couldn't get out of worry by mere thought.  It is one of the only outlets I have found in life, weather it is listening to it or playing.  I am sure there is a deeper reality to what music is and what its function is in the universe.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication make your request know to God."

Ups and downs

Dug this out of my drafts box and decided to finish the idea:

"It seems that life continues to change, day to day. Josiah gets bigger, different jobs at work, Jessie has different jobs going on, we have money, then we don't. It is nice that there its a progression and not just stagnant, though it can be tiring.
Most of the time I am thankful but I find myself wondering: what more could I be doing? Not anything different but doing things better, getting more out of what I have going on."

In a sense I have a lot going for me.  I am not of this world, I have traveled off the beaten path.  I am not your average 26 year old man/kid.  My dad was informing Jessie and I of this just the other day, in comparison to some of the others in circles near us who are around the same age.

I don't feel special, or like I stand out among the crowd, though I am sure I do.  I decided to get married, decided college wasn't my thing and to get a job and work for a living.  I could still be in school with a burden of debt and a little knowledge to show for it.  I have thought about what it would be like if I had gone into culinary arts or computers, two of my interests from high school.  As a chef, I may have ended up as an obese alcoholic....  A computer tech, bored obese alcoholic.... no offense or correlation to anyone I know, i just know how I would respond to those things in my life.

Yet, I choose to work with my hands and sweat.  On an up note I am doing more technical work in fire alarms, though it is a variety of tasks.  I know God is in this showing me to be diligent and teaching me to love rest and time with my family.

I know God desires glory and to have that come from my life and my day to day actions.  In acknowledging him I understand that I am incapable and need His strength.  Does that bother me?  I am I concerned that I am "incapable?" No way! I know that first hand, more than anyone.  On the outside though I would like to maintain that I am able and strong, though it is not very hard for me to break,.

Time to blog!

  Ok, again, too long in between blogs.  I need to keep up so I can maybe do some more concise and not so off the wall posts.  Though, my brain seems to function like that normally...

  I've been up and down, tired, excited nerdy and boring.  Some of my latest endeavors have me in multiple emotional stats daily.  Biggest being, my wife is pregnant! Another kid sounds like a good time.  Also, new job for a small company owned by a family friend.  Same work, better conditions, more opportunity.  Good/bad idea, I got smart phones for my wife and I.  I am a bit obsessive about it.

  I never thought family would be so good.  I knew I wanted it, but it was such a far off notion, almost un-attainable.  I am proud to be a dad, and more so to be more than once.  I am not sure what it is going to be like, seeing as I never had siblings that close growing up.  I am excited to see how this plays out and what a blessing it will be on all of us.

  Work is not a fun task, it is a must do type of thing.  If you can have a little fun while you do it, all the better.  I had fun with electrical and fire alarm all along, though environment is key to staying positive.  I wont say it was any one fault or issue that made it that way, but it sure wasn't solvable.  Now I am in a situation where I know everything is honest, even if it is always cheery and fun.  I have a lot of improving to do, and skills that I need to gain.  Some bad habits came about, brought on by teaching myself i guess.  This also requires me to actually train my brain to retain more information and be able to process it efficiently.

  Now the sad part of the story: I am a total nerd!  I get a smart phone and I love it, get apps and connect all my social accounts.  As if there wasn't enough to do in the normal realm of smart phones, I decide to go and hack it...  It's called root, which gives you access to secured files in the phone, allowing you to change what ever you want.  Obviously, I get way to in to it and try everything possible.  It's not like that is all I do, especially not now, I've tried just about everything and have settled on a few options.

  All in all I am pleased, not content though to stay where I am at the moment.  I had a moment the other day, that was a humbling experience.  I flat out told God I don't deserve stuff, and He blessed me with the assurance that He cares even about my worthless stuff.  I realized that I need more passion in my relationship with God, and now need to implement it.

Blogged

This is where I'm going...

I feel a new sense of contentment in life. I am laid off from work and having to make ends meet yet I don't feel worried. I have almost a new love for my wife and my little boy. We just added a puppy to our little crew.

I do however have some desires for ministry that I pray God will answer. I feel that this is the way God wanted  to deal with my stubborn attitude. Take it all away, seemingly, and restore me little by little showing me where my emphasis should be.

So I will continue to follow, with new eyes that light the path, bestowed until I can receive my own. The hindrances, now that stumble, I see were mere illusion, ahead a path of smooth stone. 

So where do I go from here? I will follow. The light that burns before me, and in my heart will lead me onward to morning, and to my home.

Eating

My wife and I recently came to the decision to better spend our money when it comes to our food. The idea started with buying organic and better food choices in general.

Vegetables from farmers market was the first goal. That went over very well and we have expanded our variety. My thought was also it is a novel idea top buy local seeing that it supports the community and you know it was picked that day.

That made me think of getting local meats yet we were still finishing some we had. Shopping at Chico natural foods we found some milk that its bottled near by in glass bottles which can be returned for a deposit. They also have other dairy products I am eager to try.

Needless to say we are eating healthier and more local. I feel good for several reasons in this venture and how to get into a more regular routine with shopping and what to get.

Mobile

WillMobile blogging... What's this world coming to? Hopefully the end, though I will say I am enjoying the advances